One day (what seemed like years ago and probably was), I was visiting Ms. Lindsay Lee at her Vista del Campo residence. In her room, a most peculiar book caught my eye: “He’s Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys,” written by a man, Greg Behrendt, and a woman, Liz Tuccillo. (I’m assuming more Greg than Liz). I flipped through, read a couple pages, and then promptly threw it against the wall and then into the wastebasket. (Then Lindsay came back from the bathroom, so I quickly placed the book back on her desk before she noticed any damages.) Simply put, it is a book with dating advice for women, conveying the simple message of “Hey, sometimes the guy just isn’t very much into you ladies.” I didn’t like what I had read, to say the least.

Days later, I was surprised to see a quote from that very book in Jing Tong’s AIM profile. As time went on, I kept hearing more and more about this book. It’s quite a popular one, no? This guy, Greg Behrendt, even has his own talk show: “The Greg Behrendt Show,” which premiered on September 12 [2006]. Just days ago, I did the unthinkable and bought myself a copy of the book to find out if there’s any inkling of merit at all (and to show off as a gag during social gatherings… or be used as a coaster).

To elaborate on the book’s message, as far as the dating scene is concerned, if a guy does anything that doesn’t conform to the lovey-dovey archetype, it must mean that he’s just not that into the girl. Because, supposedly, guys are incapable of liking a girl and not acting like a complete wimp. And it’s good that this book was written because it’s a well known fact that girls are so much in need of help in the dating scene. …Right?

I don’t see why there is a whole book written about this. The reader is never presented anything more than what the table of content offers. “If he’s not calling you, dating you, having sex with you, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!” If you were planning on buying this book, I just saved you a MSRP of $21.95 US or $29.95 Canadian. Hell, a short but poignant magazine article would have just as effectively delivered the same message. The book’s content is never deeply profound or engaging. It’s the same lesson/sentence shoved down the reader’s throat every couple of paragraphs. There is nothing else to learn. Well, except that you ladies out there are perfect and are worthy of being sought after. I certainly can’t argue against that.

Greg Behrendt worked as a consultant for the television series, “Sex and the City.” I have never seen the show, but Billy McLellan has. And he’s told me he feels that (not verbatim) “Sex and the City” is not a very accurate portrayal of reality and is more of a fantasy depiction of what women want to see themselves as. I wasn’t sure what to think of such an opinion then, but after making the connection with this horrendous book, I’m going to have to assume he’s absolutely correct about that show.

I feel I should clarify that I am not writing such an editorial of a post from a place of malice or contempt. I simply do not agree with the book’s message. Of course there will be those “assholes” who feed girls line after line. And, yeah, sometimes he really just isn’t into you. But what’s with this “one answer explains all” thing? This “omni-answer?”

C’mon, there’s a bunch of other explanations, and it’s not always bullshit.

Furthermore, what qualifications does Greg have to make such assumptions or dispense such advice?

“Look, I am not a doctor, neither real nor imagined. But I am an expert that should be listened to because of one very important thing: I’m a guy.” (pp. 5)

Expert…? Because he’s a guy…? Oh man, I don’t know about you, but he won me over with that line.

Let’s look at some of the fun things this self-validating “expert” claims:

“[Guys] would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, ‘You’re not the one.’” (pp. 6)

Really? I don’t know. I think I’d miss my arm. If I was given the choice between losing my arm and not, I wouldn’t hesitate in saying, “You’re not the one! You’re not even in my top 10!” Is he exaggerating or just lying? Okay, so maybe in some situations, regardless if you’re a guy or a girl, you’re afraid to reject someone upfront for fear of hurting their feelings or being labeled a bitch or an asshole. Sure, it’s a legitimate concern, but Greg talks as if guys are incapable of being straightforward. If there’s a sex that has a problem with being straightforward, you know which one it is. Girls won’t say “no” straight out. They’ll dance around it, imply it, and assume the guy knows how to decipher her “Da Vinci Codes.” And the guy just gets confused and is like, “WTF just happened? Was she talking to me in Spanish? Am I on Telemundo?” Now, I’m not accusing girls of doing anything wrong–that’s not the issue at hand. I’m just saying it’s not like guys have an inability to say something.

“Sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he’s into her. […] A wink and a smile will [make him ask you out].” (pp. 12)

Are you kidding? I’d be very hesitant to approach (and subsequently, pissing off) the woman who’s directly responsible for my paycheck. There’s a fairly wise rule out there:

“Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.”

To be fair, I don’t disagree with everything in the book. Buried within the heaping shitpile are traces of truth. But those traces are constructed in a way that forms inane conclusions, which makes the book ultimately worthless. It’s not worth your time to rummage through the mess. It’s best to avoid “Hurricane Greg” altogether.

Maybe I should write Greg a stern letter, but he’d probably just resort to insulting me and claiming that I was bitter over something, when in fact, I’m actually quite sweet.

Greg believes that you ladies are actually fairly smart people. I think he’s right. I think you’re smart enough not to be misled by this false prophet. You don’t need him.

As a bonus, you can check out Greg, the man behind the book himself, in this very entertaining YouTube video, where he’s promoting his other book, “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy.”

Update [Feb 11, 2008]: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Comedy Central Property.

Maybe that book should be the butt of my next post, but I can already imagine what sage advice Señor Greg-o has in store.

“He broke up with you because he’s just not that into you!”

What other books does he have waiting in the wings? “Red Light Means Stop: The Essential Travel Companion for the Modern Woman?”

I would love to hear what anyone has to think about this book and/or my post. Peace out.